


they don't know you (and neither do i)

by goners



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/M, Highschool AU, M/M, also this is a joshler fic just so we're not confused on that, anyway idk where I'm going with this bear with me, i'll add to the tags as I go on, josh and tyler are best friends, maybe some drinking and partying and whatever, mentions of dark thoughts but nothing graphic, thats what we like to see, unrequited love for a little bit, whoops how could i forget
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-03
Updated: 2017-07-17
Packaged: 2018-07-29 01:34:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7665181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goners/pseuds/goners
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Recently, Tyler has been... distant. And Josh, no matter how hard he tries, can't seem to figure out why.<br/>(Or the one where it takes seeing him with someone else for Tyler to realise just how much he wants Josh.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hi so this is my first fanfic (not the first one i've ever written but it's the first one i'm posting) so please bear with me, hopefully you like it!  
> leave me a comment and stuff if you like.  
> this first chapter will be a bit short & slow but it'll get a lot better, i promise!!  
> ((also idk how to make stuff in italics since i'm doing this on my phone so some words that are meant to have emphasis don't, i'll fix it later))

For as long as he can remember, Tyler had been best friends with Josh. There weren't that many significant events in Tyler's life that Josh hadn't gone through with him. Josh had always been there, sort of like a shadow, a light in the darkness or something deep like that. Josh and Tyler were best friends. They occupied the same space. It wasn't unusual to see them lounging on one another and Tyler thinks, distantly, that's probably as close as two best friends can get. Because that's what Tyler and Josh were. Best friends.

Well, until they weren't. He guesses it's probably something to do with the fact that Josh was just too alluring for his own good. It had been like that ever since they were young, he thinks, but he can't be sure. Josh had always been kinda clingy— subjecting Tyler to some very uncomfortable and largely one-sided armfuls of a young Josh, mud on his light-up sneakers and a gleam in his eye. That used to annoy Tyler, how clingy Josh could be. Tyler wasn't a people person. But, over a seemingly short time, he became a Josh person. When Josh levelled out and filled in his broad shoulders, towering over Tyler for a couple of awkward months during their early teenage years, that's when Tyler noticed a change. Girls would tuck their hair behind their ears when talking to Josh, smiling with the sun shining out of their reddening cheeks. Boys would want to talk to him about sports and aliens and drums and _what do you like, Josh? Oh, cool, me too!_ and Tyler really, really didn't like that. He didn't like sharing Josh with the awestruck girls and bewildered boys that were suddenly at his feet. When did it become a competition? Tyler realises miserably that maybe, just maybe, that makes him the clingy one. Could he really be blamed for that, though? For not wanting to share Josh with the other victims to his soft smile and warm eyes?

He wasn't lonely, though, not really. They had other friends. Tyler didn't really get lonely. Josh made him feel lonely though, which was the worst part. That was the part that got under his skin. Much like Josh did, he thinks, but that wasn't Josh's fault. Josh could get into relationships. Josh could set the fire under Tyler's skin ablaze when he wandered down the hallways with a girl or a boy giving him a look with their arm around his shoulder. Josh could do all of that, because Josh wasn't Tyler's. But that wasn't Josh's fault.

Because, see, Josh and Tyler were best friends. Best friends who liked to sleep in the same bed and hug each other for a beat too long and just be close. Josh didn't get accused of cheating on anyone when he kissed Tyler's shoulder or hung out at his house all week. Because they were only friends, and everyone knew that.

Screw it if they're not right, if Tyler somehow has even a microscopic chance. Screw it if Tyler will forever be trapped by the gentle curve of Josh's smile and the captivating pull of his eyes. And screw Josh, too, if he can't realise that he deserves better, better than a girl in a short skirt or a boy with stupid hair and a bad sense of humour. Screw Josh if he can't see that he deserves Tyler. Screw it if Tyler's feelings stay unreciprocated, his heart remaining in the cage it had always been in. Tyler wasn't one to whine about it, though, no. Why would he let anyone know what he was thinking if he could just play his music too loud, letting the words articulate what he was feeling but didn't know how to say? While rhythm and beats made sense to him, heartache and unrequited love didn't. Tyler knows, though, that he can't claim Josh. That isn't Josh's fault, though. It's Tyler's.

Everything is his own goddamn fault.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! before we get into the chapter i just wanted to say a massive thank you to everyone who has read, left kudos & commented on this so far! i wasn't expecting a response like that so thanks very much! this chapter is way longer than chapter 1, so tell me what you think! get ready for some drama in the upcoming chapters that should be out soon....... enjoy!!  
> ((also i am still having trouble with formatting this bc i'm an amateur so some stuff that's meant to be in italics isn't, i'll fix it once i figure out how))

Shooting hoops in the boiling sun all afternoon was just about as fun as it sounded, which meant, of course, that it was no fun whatsoever.  
Tyler's arms strain almost painfully as his muscles go through the motions, scoring basket after basket. He loses track eventually and they all blur together. What time was it? What day was it? How long has he been—  
"Tyler, Josh is here to see you!" His mother pokes her head out the back door, squinting at the harshness of the bright sun. Tyler forgets the ball, lets it bounce back onto the ground and roll away somewhere, dragging his feet as he walks back into the cool oasis of his house.  
Tyler sticks his tongue out from exhaustion, panting slightly as he moves to the kitchen to get a cold glass of water.  
He's innocently filling up his glass at the sink when a pair of muscular arms suddenly wrap around his waist. A normal person probably jump or flinch or maybe try to see who it was that was trying to squeeze the life out of them, but when you're friends with Josh, you get used to it.  
"Get off me," he tries to spin in Josh's grip as the boy in question chuckles. "I'm serious, Josh, I'm sweaty," he whines, pushing at one of Josh's arms.  
"If you say so," and with that, he's free.  
Taking a large gulp of water and sighing happily, Tyler moves past Josh, throwing the words over his shoulder, "I'm gonna take a shower." He doesn't wait for a reply, almost having to drag his exhausted body up the stairs.

The water flowing down Tyler's back soothes his aching muscles, undoing all the tension that had built up there. He makes a mental note that he never ever wants to play that much basketball again, a hiss escaping his lips involuntarily as he rolls his shoulders back. After washing the layers of sweat off himself and standing under the water for what his mom would probably say is way too long, Tyler shuts it off and goes to his room to get dressed, a towel lying dangerously low on his hips.  
He waltzes into his room, without a care in the world, and he hears, "dude, you should really knock," and just about jumps out of his own skin.  
His mouth struggles to find the right words for a split second, but then he's yelling incredulously, "Josh!"  
(Yeah, great choice of words, Tyler. You really showed him.)  
"This is my room, wise guy, you're the one who should knock." He shakes his head, eyes narrowing. Josh huffs a small laugh, his mouth quirking up at the corners.  
He moves to get more comfortable in his side of the bed— that's how close they were, in Tyler's bed Josh had a side— and goes back to scrolling on his phone as Tyler gets dressed.  
"Move over," Tyler mumbles as he climbs under the safety of his covers next to Josh. For the first time in what feels like years, he breathes slowly and calmly as his eyes flutter closed.  
"Are you tired?" Josh asks in a soft voice, to which Tyler replies with a small nod of his head. "We can take a nap," he suggests, and Tyler sighs in approval of the idea, shifting slightly to get more comfortable. The last thing he remembers is Josh humming quietly to himself, and after that Tyler's out like a light.

Sitting next to Josh on the couch later that night, watching something that Tyler had forgotten the name of, he realises just how much Josh means to him. The lights from the television screen dancing over his soft but striking features, Josh's eyes follow every movement (even though he probably didn't understand the show, either).  
Tyler's gaze rests on his sister, legs tucked into her chest (was that even comfortable?), reading Harry Potter for what must've been the 6th time. He looks to Zack and Jay as they giggle at each other about something to which everyone else remains oblivious. He hears his parents in the kitchen behind them, the clinking of plates in the sink and his dad rambling on about something.  
Back to Josh. He feels as if Josh is a part of their family, somehow. He's a nice fit, too. Tyler sighs when he thinks, not for the first time, that he loves Josh. He really, really does. The platonic love was reciprocated, of course, and they shared a kind of brotherly love too. But under the surface of all that, there's something more. Something like desire, maybe. Itching underneath his skin and prodding at him every now and then to remind him that it's there. Not that he needs reminding, though. He gets reminded of it every time Josh laughs or smiles or helps Jay with his homework or plaits Maddy's hair or tries (and fails) to beat Zack at Mario kart. He gets reminded every time they fall asleep curled up next to each other, every time Josh texts him something stupid like 'can cats speak english?', and every time they get in trouble at school for talking too much and not doing any work. He doesn't need another reminder. But because the world is cruel, it reminds him anyway.  
"Am I staying the night?" Josh whispers, words falling somewhere within their comfortable little bubble.  
"If you want to," he replies, thinking, _yes, please stay._  
Even though it'll probably do him more harm than good, he can't help that he wants Josh to stay. He can't help the fact that he sleeps better next to Josh than when he's alone. If he was younger— and a lot more dramatic— he would probably call Josh his 'oxygen' or something equally as cringeworthy. While that's not necessarily true, he does breathe easier when he's around Josh. Any worries he has seem to all fly out the window when Josh appears.  
And so, Josh decides to stay for the night. It isn't unusual— staying at each other's houses is the opposite, even. What is unusual, though, is the thudding of his heart whenever Josh gets close nowadays, the beating in his chest like a bird trying to break free from his ribcage. For Tyler, that had become normal. For Josh, however, it isn't the case. No matter how hard Tyler searches his eyes, he never finds anything burning like he's sure Josh can pick out in his own. And if Tyler is being honest, that really kills him sometimes. It isn't Josh's fault he's so easy to love, though, so Tyler just lets the feeling engulf him and swallows down the words he wishes he would say to Josh. Words he will never say, because Josh isn't his.

The next day, Tyler wakes up to sunlight streaming in through his window and an arm draped over him. His bleary view of Josh sharpens after he rubs at his eyes, and while he's more than used to the sight, his heart catches in his throat at it. Waking up to Josh is a great way to start the day, to say the least. Eyelashes fanning over his pink cheeks, Josh is a picture of tranquility, small but measured breaths escaping from his slightly parted lips. It's the moments like these that Tyler loves the most. Feeling the warmth of the sun on him, watching it cast slight shadows on the planes of Josh's face, accentuating the gentle curve of his lips. He wants to melt into the sheets beneath him and bask in the sun's rays with Josh sleeping peacefully beside him, blissfully unaware that the boy next to him is falling deeper and deeper for him with every passing second.  
But Tyler can't do that, because the universe hated him for some reason. At least, that's the only explanation he has for his alarm clock going off at that exact moment.  
The blaring sound rouses Josh from his slumber, a groan building in the back of his throat. Tyler jabs harshly at the stupid machine, tempted to throw it out the window if it meant that he could spend even a minute more with Josh.  
Josh's brow knits together in annoyance for the rude awakening, his eyes squeezed tightly shut as if he can go back to dreamland if he tries hard enough. Tyler carefully places his hand in Josh's tousled locks, running his hand through them a few times in a futile attempt to wake Josh up.  
"Time for school," he says gently, to which Josh replies with a confused "hmm?" sound.  
Tyler abruptly throws the duvet off them, ignoring Josh's protests.  
"Time to get up, come on," he clears his throat, voice thick with sleep. Swinging his legs over the side of his bed, he shuffles over to the window, letting the rest of the sunlight filter into the room after he pulls the curtains open.  
Coaxing Josh out of bed has never been an easy task. Shaking him to within an inch of his life barely gets him to blink an eye open, and patting his cheek repeatedly only gets him to whine in annoyance. At this point, Tyler's convinced that not even an earthquake could wake Josh. He'd probably just tell it to shut up and let him go back to sleep.  
Tyler knows the drill, of course. How it usually goes is that Tyler gets ready, reminding Josh that he should be awake every so often throughout the time it takes for him to complete his morning routine. Then, with maybe 15 minutes to go until they have to leave for school, he watches Josh hurriedly fall out of bed in a frenzy of limbs, rushing to eat breakfast and brush his teeth and get dressed in maybe half the time he needs to actually do all of those things. Sometimes Josh forgets to put his pants on before his shoes and he has to take them off and start over, which is the case on this particular morning— Tyler watches in amusement, trying to hide his smile behind his hand— which always means they're off to a great start.  
It's Tyler's favourite part of the day so far, and probably can't be beaten by much, but no one needs to know that.  
Actually going to school, on the other hand, is less favourable. To put it simply, there are some people there that Tyler just doesn't like. Some people that annoy him just by being in the same room as him.  
One of those people, just for an example, was Debby Ryan.  
Don't get him wrong, Tyler's sure she's a nice girl and all. She would have to be, to warrant the attention she gets from Josh.  
As soon as they pass through the school gates, Josh bounds over to Debby with little or no word to Tyler, slinging a sturdy arm over her shoulders. Tyler isn't jealous of the way Josh's face seems to light up when he sees her. He isn't jealous of the way she soaks up his attention like a sponge. He definitely isn't jealous of the way she can make him laugh so effortlessly. He isn't. That churning feeling deep in his gut is just hunger. Or, at least that's what he likes to tell himself.  
Tyler's definitely not jealous. He has no right to be. After all, Josh isn't his. He's Debby's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading! tell me what you think? also, expect the next chapter within 2-3 days (i'll post it asap) & thanks again !!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi sorry i haven't updated this in ages i've just been so busy and sorta didn't know what to write!! i had uploaded a chapter 3 before but deleted it bc i didn't like it, so don't get confused if you'd read that one-- this chapter replaces that one, it doesn't follow it. it's a bit of a filler since i'm not completely sure where i'm going w this and i haven't proofread it yet bc my phone is on 3% but i hope you like it!!

Josh anxiously bounces his leg under his desk, adjusting his test paper and raising his pen to his lips absentmindedly. His eyebrows furrow as he reads over the question at the top of the page again, a shaky rush of air leaving his parted lips in a huff. It isn't fair that his teacher gets to randomly surprise him with a test. Is she _trying_ to make Josh's anxiety play up?  
Regardless, it's certainly working.  
He quickly scribbles down an answer, his pulse quickening as he realises some of the other kids handing their papers in already. He almost jumps out of his seat as the bell rings, biting his lip and rushing to add a few more words to his last answer.  
He hurries out of the door after handing his paper in, half of the questions left blank, without so much as a 'thank you' to the teacher. 

Eyes fixed firmly on the floor, Josh feels the burning sensation of someone staring at him from behind. His hands form loose fists as he watches his worn sneakers instead of the hall in front of him, suddenly feeling a few sizes too big, his chest feeling a bit tight. No matter how deep he tries to breathe in, his lungs don't even seem to fill halfway. A sickening sense of panic lodges itself in his gut and he changes paths abruptly, almost crashing into a girl walking behind him as he abandons the thought of his locker completely and heads straight for the nurse's office.

With the door closed behind him, he feels slight relief, peeking out the window at all the judging eyes that no longer rest on him.  
"What can I do for you, sweetheart?" The blonde lady at the desk asks in a soft tone.  
It does little to calm his nerves and he stutters out, "I don't feel well."

Ten minutes later, he's staring at a blank ceiling, the bed underneath him seeming to push into him instead of him pushing into it. His breathing is slowed, and he counts steadily in his head with every exhale.  
"Honey?" The nurse pokes her head in the door and his bleary eyes blink open, "your mom is on her way now."  
He forces the words out, "thank you", and they feel too small and quiet for her to have even heard them but she smiles and closes the door behind her.  
Josh's heavy eyelids shut closed again, his peaceful state interrupted by a buzz from inside his pocket. 

tyler: Hey man where are you?

Josh groans. Does Tyler know? Has the word really gone around that fast? _The weird kid has gone to the nurse's office again. What a freak._ He types out a quick reply.

josh: not feeling well

He sees three dots pop up on his screen and somehow it makes his sense of anxiety come back full force. 

tyler: Hope you're okay. 

He leaves the message on the screen and reads over it a few times, resuming the count in his head for each deep breath he takes. Why is he so anxious? It's just Tyler. Another buzz from his phone.

tyler: Do u want me to save some nachos for u

tyler: ?

The corners of his lips curl upwards. He hesitates for a second before typing.

josh: no but can you come to the nurses office pls?? 

Josh puts his phone back in his pocket, not bothering to wait for a reply. He adjusts his position until he's more comfortable, his arms resting behind his head to compensate for the lack of a pillow. He feels his soft breaths go in, out, in, out, in again and out again. He stops counting and instead tries to breathe deeply, focusing on filling his lungs with air. He hears the unmistakable lilt of Tyler's soft tone, however he's too far away for Josh to hear the words. A few more breaths pass before the door clicks open, Tyler crossing the small room in a few strides.

"Move over," he requests, and Josh does. The routine is common enough that they're both used to it. They lie next to one another in pristine silence, muffled sounds of kids laughing and talking outside filtering into the room.

Josh's calm thoughts are cut short by a hand being placed on his forehead, his heartbeat quickening before he leans slightly into the touch. 

"You feel a bit hot," Tyler comments, "are you sure you're alright?" Josh's eyes flutter closed again as Tyler's hand moves to his hair, focusing on the gentle tugs instead of his pounding heart. 

"It's just my anxiety," Josh remarks, making the space between Tyler's eyebrows crease. 

"Why? What happened?" It's a simple question, but it makes Josh's chest lighten. It's nice to have Tyler with him. To have him care. 

"Miss Thompson gave me a test. No warning!" His rant is cut short by the nurse opening the door again. She smiles knowingly at them. If they were anyone else, she probably would've kicked Tyler out, or just refused to let him in in the first place. 

"Your mom is here, Josh." Tyler huffs as he hauls himself off the bed. "Have you got your bag, darl'?" The nurse adds as an afterthought. Josh nods and allows Tyler to pull him up off the bed after him. 

"I'll see you this afternoon," Josh yawns. "If you're still coming?" Doubt creeps into his mind. Why would Tyler want to come to his house? It's not like he was gonna do anything interesting. Anxiety attacks always leave him so drained, he'll probably just sleep the rest of the day away. Tyler has basketball and homework and stuff to do, anyway. He isn't gonna come to Josh's house.  
So Tyler surprises him a little when he replies, "yeah, man. I'll be there."

Josh slings his bag lazily over his shoulder and hears Tyler say after him, "take care of yourself, Josh!" 

Sometimes, Josh thinks about just how nice it is to have a best friend like Tyler. A best friend that he most definitely does not deserve.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> basically shit is about to go down !!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiii i'm so sorry it's been so long!! i've been super busy with school and work and all that stuff and to be honest i just didn't know where i was going with this fic and i didn't want to write without a solid direction. but now i do know, so here i am with chapter 4.  
> i hope you like it. the drama is about to unfold.  
> also, i still don't know how to put stuff in italics. apologies.

Josh awakens to a dark room, soft blankets around him and his duvet almost up to his chin. He stretches in place slightly, as if testing out his muscles. His own heartbeat isn't pounding in his ears anymore, and it's like he's lying in a bubble of calmness. He wonders how, exactly, he's managed to somehow pull a complete 180 to how he was feeling before, but then he fully realises that there's a weight beside him and steady breathing apart from his own.  
At first, a small sense of surprise rises in his chest. Tyler had actually come, after all. Josh wonders briefly what the time is, since the darkness around him gives no indication other than the fact that the sun had gone down, which meant that Josh had probably been sleeping for well over 5 hours. He glances at Tyler and wonders how long he's been there.  
He sighs.

There are some things that Josh just doesn't tell anyone. He already feels like a bit of a black sheep, and he figures that some things are best kept to himself to prevent becoming even more of an outsider. It's a self-defence mechanism, really. So why does it make him feel so _guilty?_  
He tilts his head to get a better look at Tyler sleeping next to him, and thinks dejectedly, yes. That's why. Tyler is _meant_ to be his best friend. Well, he is. Yet, there are so many things that Josh will never let him know — parts of his thoughts that Tyler will never be offered insight into.  
The truth is, Josh just isn't a good person. Or at least, he doesn't think he is. Sometimes, he doesn't feel like a person at all. He's a ghost — unknown to even people who think they know him, and as good as dead to everyone else. No one _really_ knows him, or cares to, for that matter. Somehow, he feels as if the world is indifferent to his existence, spinning on regardless of him being there or not. He knows Tyler's always there for him, of course, which makes him feel a bit better, but somehow makes it worse. How is a ghost worth so much to Tyler?

Josh doesn't know. He rolls over and falls asleep.

\--

Josh is sitting at the back of his English class, head resting heavily on his palm. The teacher's voice goes in one ear and out the other, his page filled with scribbles instead of the notes he's supposed to be copying from the board. He can't help it — it's last period on a Friday, and he really couldn't care less about Othello. The fact that they have to study Shakespeare every year is just cruel.  
Usually, Tyler would be in the seat next to him, cracking jokes under his breath and keeping Josh at least mildly entertained. Today, though, he's training for the upcoming basketball season, the whole team allowed to skip the last hour of school before their first game. Josh glances at the clock at the front of the room, becoming aware of the faint ticking of the second hand just passing the 12. Only 15 more minutes to go.  
A buzz comes from his pocket, a few students around him turning their heads to see where the noise is coming from. His cheeks reddening, Josh fumbles to turn off the notification, trying his best to discreetly take out his phone. He's ready to cuss out the person on the other end for almost giving him a lot of trouble and unwanted attention (well, not really. The only people that ever text him are Tyler and his mom. But Tyler is training, and his mom is either at work or knows better than to text him while he's meant to be working.)

debby: Hey Josh!

He frowns, swiping the notification to the left and typing out a quick reply. It's a little weird that Debby's texting him now, since school is almost over and they'd seen each other at lunch anyway.

josh: heyy

Almost immediately, his screen lights up again.

debby: Are you going to the basketball game after school? :)

His brow furrows even further — Tyler had been talking to Josh about the game all through lunch. Debby was sitting right next to him, even leaning into his side and resting her arm on his shoulder. An awkward sitting position, he recalls as he thinks about it again, but what's perhaps more awkward is that Debby doesn't remember him telling Tyler he'll definitely be there to see the game. Debby had been listening so intently, too — laughing at Josh's jokes before he had even finished them and never failing to fill up a moment of silence. 

josh: yeah!! tyler's playing 

After he remembers how to properly engage in conversation — it's hard sometimes, okay? — he adds;

josh: are u going?

debby: Of course! I'm going to get something from Starbucks so I'm gonna be a bit late though. Can you save me a seat please?

josh: yeah sure :)

His screen fades to black and he continues to fill his page with meaningless scribbles. He draws a UFO in the corner of his page and something vaguely resembling the alien emoji. In the back of his mind, he's worried that he's missed pretty much a whole lesson of notes, but he's drained from a full day of interactions and talking and paying close attention to every detail in every other class, so he reasons with himself that it's probably fine. The muscles in the base of his neck feel as if something is gripping them lightly — perhaps an invisible hand. Or maybe an invisible set of teeth is slowly sinking into his flesh? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Tyler has missed the notes too. 

His phone lights up on his desk again, but this time it's not Debby.

tyler: I just finished warm up, when are u coming ?

Josh glances at the time on his phone. Only 7 minutes to go until the bell, and after that only 30 until the game is due to start.

josh: i'll be there in 10? debby is coming too

Three dots. They disappear for a few long seconds, almost like Tyler doesn't know what to say. Maybe it's just a glitch — iPhones do that all the time.

tyler: right 

tyler: Where will you sit 

If Josh didn't know Tyler better, his first reply would've sent him into a frenzy of nervousness. But it's just Tyler, and it's just Debby. Tyler likes Debby. Doesn't he?

josh: in the middle? i didn't bring my sign or my pom poms, sorry. but i'll cheer loud enough for you to hear me. 

tyler: righttt 

tyler: Come and find me when u get here 

Josh sighs. 3 minutes to go. Is Tyler mad at him? He hadn't even said a simple 'lol' at Josh's attempt at a joke. Josh hasn't done anything, though. Or, at least he can't think of anything he's done wrong. Josh retraces his steps in his head. First period, break, lunch. Is Tyler annoyed that he'd asked for a pen? He had forgotten to give it back, he realises. But his pencil case is full of Tyler's pens, so how could that be the problem?  
Josh desperately tries to figure it out, reasoning finally that maybe he'll just have to assess the situation when he actually goes to see Tyler. 

The piercing sound of the bell rings finally, Josh pushing his chair in and almost running to his locker. His fingers slip a bit as he tries to undo the combination lock, the damn thing getting jammed once he actually manages to put his code in. His nose scrunching a bit in frustration, he pulls downwards harshly and it opens. Josh is going to be late to see Tyler. Shoving his binder into the cramped locker while trying to take his history textbook out at the same time, he drops half the contents of his locker onto the floor.  
"Fuck!" He curses under his breath, exasperated. As if someone is listening, he immediately feels guilty for swearing (it's a bad habit) and crouches down to pick up his books, feeling the stares of students around him.  
"You look like you could use a drink," a familiar voice behind him notes, before stopping down beside him to help. "Want me to get you anything from Starbucks? I was just about to head over there."  
Picking up the last loose sheet of paper that had fallen from his locker, Josh tears his eyes from the floor and looks at Debby.  
She smiles — a wide, genuine smile — and hands him the few stray books she's picked up for him.  
"Thank you," Josh barely gets out without stuttering.  
"Do you think you'd like to come with me? To Starbucks, that is," Debby grins expectantly at him. Josh is already late to see Tyler, but what will it matter? He told him that Debby was coming. Tyler won't mind if he's a bit late.  
"Yeah, sure!" Josh returns her smile, albeit slightly hesitantly, and puts his books back into his locker, slamming it shut before they have the chance to fall out again.  
"Let's go," Debby takes his arm, leading him to the school parking lot.

\--

They pull back into the school parking lot 15 minutes later, only 10 minutes until the game is due to start. Josh is way later than he thought he'd be. To be fair, though, the game isn't even due to start yet, and he wasn't expecting the short trip to Starbucks to be that long (they were delayed about a full 5 minutes just because they were laughing too hard about the barista spelling Debby's name as 'Debbee'. Like, what?)

As they get closer to the school gym, groups of students start to appear, all heading in the same direction. Josh knows he's late to see Tyler and he probably won't get the seats he wants now, but what does it matter? It's only the first game of the season.  
Josh jumps slightly in surprise as Debby links arms with him, smiling as he glances over at her. He can't help his own lips curling upwards in response. 

As they enter the gym, Josh immediately spots Tyler on the far side of the court doing lay ups. He runs as if in slow motion, dribbling the ball towards the basket and then speeding up, taking two steps and landing the ball smoothly in the basket. He makes it look incredibly easy, but Josh can see something like worry on his face as he turns, passing the ball on to Zack. 

Taking their seats up the top of the bleachers on the far right, Josh is able to get a better look at Tyler. He's definitely worried — it's clear to see on his face now that Josh is closer to him. His eyes flicker to the other team before looking back to his feet. He does another lay up and almost falters, but manages to pull it off almost as smoothly as the first one Josh saw. His mom, the coach, beckons to him and his feet seem to drag a bit on the wooden floors as he approaches her, Josh watching their exchange. Tyler nods at something his mom says, joining the team again to do more lay ups. His eyes scan the bleachers, stopping just short of where Josh is sitting. Finally, the referee calls both the teams into the middle of the court. 

Tyler's team start with the ball, rapidly moving down the court but being marked carefully by the players from the opposing team. When they're almost to the three point arc, Zack passes the ball sideways to Tyler, who dribbles it a few steps forward before bending his knees and jumping, shooting the ball into the air and extending his right hand to follow through. Just as Josh expected, it lands straight in the basket without so much as disturbing the net, and he catches a glance at Kelly nodding and giving Tyler a thumbs up.  
"That was amazing!" Debby leans into him, smiling as he turns to her. He can barely hear her over the cheers that have erupted around them.  
"Yeah, he's been playing since we were little," Josh replies, turning back to look at Tyler now down the opposite end of the court trying to defend the basket. His player manages to shoot from just outside the key, much closer than where Tyler had taken his shot, so they're still ahead. So why does Tyler look so bothered? Usually he's so calm under pressure, a trait that sets him apart from many of his teammates and other players in his division. He had seemed kinda nervous before the game though — maybe that was it.

\--

When the ref blows his whistle to signify the end of the game, the scoreboard reads 80 to 76, Tyler's team having (very narrowly) won the first game of the season. Josh watches him loosely shake the hands of all the players, looking dead on his feet but still the definition of sportsmanship. His heels dragging on the ground, he collapses onto one of the plastic chairs lining the court, taking a swig of water from his drink bottle. The rest of the team gather around him, joined by Kelly. Some of them are grinning, arms slung around each other, but Josh doesn't miss the apprehensive glance between Zack and Tyler. Kelly shares a few short words with the team, and then they disband. Half of the bleachers have already left their seats, but Josh and Debby stay put. He can't tear his eyes away from Tyler, who's facing away from him now, his hunched frame suggesting that he's either exhausted or feeling defeated. Josh presumes it's the former, since they had won the game. 

"Are you going to go and talk to him?" Debby asks sweetly, snapping Josh's attention away from Tyler.  
Josh hesitates for a moment before responding, "yeah, I think I will."  
He rises from his seat and Debby follows, just as Zack pushes the door open at the side of the court and walks outside, appearing agitated from the way he carelessly lets the door slam shut. Josh jogs down the stairs, only to find the door closing and Tyler nowhere to be seen. Assuming he followed Zack, Josh says hi to Kelly quickly and congratulates her on the team's win before pushing the heavy door open and stepping into the cool evening air.

Josh spots Zack almost immediately, scuffing his shoes on the asphalt in the parking lot and kicking loose rocks. Tyler is beside him, palm against his forehead, gritting his teeth in annoyance. Josh turns as he hears the door swing open behind him. Kelly smiles wordlessly at him as she passes by and walks off to her sons.  
"Tyler!" He yells, briskly walking to catch up to him. Tyler doesn't turn around, but continues towards his car.  
"Is he okay?" Debby wonders from beside him, a crease forming between her eyebrows.  
"Wait!" Josh tries again, but Kelly has started the car now and pulls out of her parking space. Josh and Debby watch the car disappear, the sky starting to become dark, the air sending a chill through Josh.  
"I wonder what that was about," he sighs. Is Tyler mad at him? Is he upset? Josh can't see why he would be, but occasionally Tyler gets into low moods that have little to no explanation. Maybe he's annoyed at himself for missing one of his 3 point shots. The side of Josh's mouth quirks downwards.  
"I'm sure he's okay. Do you need a lift home?" Debby offers cheerily, smiling at Josh expectantly.  
"Thanks, but my car's just over there," Josh smiles back, pointing over her shoulder.  
"Oh," Debby starts, "I'll walk with you to your car then."

She links arms with him again and they cross the parking lot in a comfortable silence.  
"This is me," Josh says as they reach his car, a beat of silence following. He clears his throat. "That was really fun, do you wanna catch the game with me again next week?"  
Debby's lips lift up into a wide grin and she looks to her feet for a second, tucking her hair behind her ear.  
"Yeah, I'd love to!" Her eyes crinkle at the corners.  
"Okay, I'll see you on Monday." He fishes his keys out of his pocket to unlock his car, fumbling with them and then hearing a dull click as the car unlocks.

He goes to open his door, saying a quick goodbye to Debby.  
"Bye, Josh!" She waves, scratching the back of her neck. "Wait," she adds, uncertainty crossing her features.  
"What is it?" Josh questions softly.  
"I — I really like you," she confesses, Josh's eyebrows raising slightly.  
"I like you too," he says, his voice sounding so quiet but so confident at the same time. His heart rate picks up and he can feel it booming in his chest. He's thankful for the sudden darkness that envelopes them, because he's not sure he'd be able to hide the blush on his cheeks otherwise.  
"Would you —" he tries, "would you like to go out with me?"  
The question hangs in the air between them. Only seconds pass before Debby's reply, but they feel like hours.  
"Yeah!" She says enthusiastically, "I'd love to!"  
"Okay," Josh turns his keys in the ignition. "I'll see you on Monday!"  
"See you, Josh!" Debby grins and turns to walk to her car, a skip in her step.

Josh closes his door after a minute, just sitting there. Did that really just happen? Debby Ryan had agreed to go out with Josh, of all people.  
Sure, Josh had been with a couple of girls before, but it'd never been serious. He'd never actually asked anyone out, let alone had someone say yes.  
And Debby? She's beautiful, any guy would be lucky to have her. Bewildered, Josh puts his car into reverse and backs out slowly from his parking spot.  
Debby had actually agreed to go out with him.  
He was going out with Debby. Smiling to himself, Josh puts his car into drive and goes home.

\-- 

Tyler sinks onto his bed, exhausted even after a long, hot shower. He can't shake the feeling of uneasiness that's about him. He hadn't seen Josh once at the game, even when he had specifically promised Tyler he'd be there. The thought of him there with Debby is perhaps even worse than him not being there at all. Something like sadness creeps into his chest and Tyler frowns at it. Why is he making such a big deal out of nothing? It's not like Josh had to be there. Josh is his best friend, but so what? Sure, the game was important to him, and sure, Josh being there was important too. Josh can make up his own mind. It isn't his responsibility to watch Tyler's games. 

Tyler did wonder where he'd been, though. Is he feeling okay? Did something happen?  
He picks up his phone from the table beside his bed, opening Josh's contact immediately.

tyler: You okay? I didn't see you at the game 

He stares at the screen while he waits for a response. Three dots appear under Tyler's message — Josh is typing.

josh: yeah!! i was just a little late. debby and i went to get some statbucks beforehand 

josh: starbucks**

Tyler stares at the screen. So, he had shown up. A weight is temporarily lifted from Tyler's chest, but then it sinks back down again. Josh had been with Debby. He didn't see Tyler before the game because he was with _Debby._

tyler: Ohh okay! U home now?

josh: yeah, but omg, you'll never guess what happened

Tyler blinks. What? He waits for Josh to continue, soon becoming impatient and typing a quick reply.

tyler: What?

josh: i asked debby out 

Tyler's heart sinks. Josh did what? He'd suspected that Josh liked her, sure. But this is news. His fingers shake as he holds his phone to type out his next reply.

tyler: What did she say?

Only a second passes before Josh is typing again, obviously excited. Oh, no.

josh: she said yes!!!!!

Tyler clutches his phone tighter in his hands, the sudden urge to throw it against the wall becoming strong.  
Debby. Had said. Yes.  
Which meant that Debby was going out with Josh.  
All of Tyler's anger and sadness from the past couple of hours washes over him, mouth open in shock as tears well up in his eyes.  
_How pathetic,_ he thinks. _Crying over a boy who doesn't care about you._

tyler: That's great, congrats

And just because he fucking hates himself, he adds:

tyler: Happy for you 

His phone forgotten on the sheets beside him, Tyler lies down. He wants to sink into his bed and disappear. He hates himself for being so dramatic, but he's pissed off that Josh can't figure out that he likes him as more than a friend. He's not sure if he feels upset or if he feels empty.  
He should've known that it was going to happen sooner or later. He really shouldn't have gotten his hopes up. Josh doesn't like him. Josh doesn't care.  
Tyler buries his head in his pillow, messing up his still-wet hair. He tries to fall asleep.  
When Zack shouts from downstairs that it's dinner time, Tyler doesn't move. He doesn't want to. He doesn't even want to breathe. He feels like shit.  
A few minutes later, his mom knocks softly on his door.  
"Tyler?"  
He hears the soft click of the door opening, erasing the scowl from his face to feign being asleep. His mom crosses the room to stroke his flushed cheek.  
"Tyler, honey?"  
He doesn't answer.  
His mom sighs and leaves the room again, the light behind his closed eyes going out again as she shuts the door.  
His shallow breathing eventually lulls him to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh don't hate me. are you mad at josh? sad for tyler? i hope you liked it. let me know.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok it's been months and i am SO sorry but .. guess who's back!!

Tyler watches Zack bounce the ball from around three feet behind him. There's a slight chill in the air, the trees lining the streets beginning to turn orange at the edges, leaves scattered underneath them. There's quite a serene quality to the morning that day, Tyler thinks. One thing ruins it, though. 

 

That thing happens to be the fact that he's walking to school, which means he'll see Josh. Normally, that's an incentive to actually drag his ass out of bed and get to school, but not today.  
Today, he will not only see Josh. He will see _Josh and Debby._  
As a collective unit, a pair, an item, whatever you want to call it. Tyler will see them _together,_ and the thought makes a heavy lump form in his throat. Whether it signifies that he's about to puke or burst in to tears, who knows. Maybe both. Perhaps simultaneously.

 

Tyler is snapped out of his thoughts by Zack passing him the basketball, his quick reflexes kicking in almost subconsciously as his hands trap the ball before it has the chance to hit him in the face. 

"You alright there?" Zack chuckles at Tyler's surprised expression. 

"I zoned out," Tyler bounces the ball and lobs it over to Zack. He looks both ways and then steps out into the road, dribbling the ball. Tyler follows, his gaze focused on the asphalt beneath him as he crosses the road. A car passes so close in front of him that his hair is tousled slightly by the breeze it makes.

"You trying to get run over?" Zack yells incredulously. Tyler pretends he doesn't hear, but the honest truth is that he isn't sure.

 

\--

 

To say that Tyler had a bad day at school would be a grave understatement. Mentally preparing himself before he walked into that dreaded building did nothing to help him once he was faced with the cold, harsh reality that is _Debby and Josh,_ the sight of them laughing together, holding hands or merely being within a mile radius of one another enough to make Tyler's face scrunch up involuntarily.  
Okay, so maybe he's being a little dramatic. Doesn't he have every right to be? This is a big change. Huge, even. Tyler's lifelong best friend is paying attention to someone other than him, and he can't stand it.  
Tyler groans. He's not quite sure which fact is harder to process; that Josh is dating Debby, or that he's being a selfish _asshole_ about it. Shouldn't he be happy for Josh? After all, Josh is his best friend. If their positions were reversed, Tyler is more than positive that Josh would be happy for him; excited, even. No matter how hard he tries, Tyler can't justify why someone who's happy for their friend should ignore them all day and scoff whenever said friend glanced their way. 

Is Tyler really being that unfair about it, though? The whole situation is unfair. If it weren't for the blatant flirting and the telltale blush from Josh whenever Debby smiled at him, Tyler never would've even known that they had a thing for each other. Josh had never told him that he felt butterflies for her, or any other romantic bullshit along those lines. Now that Tyler thinks about it, he can't imagine why Josh wouldn't tell him about his feelings for Debby.  
A voice in the back of his head wonders if maybe Josh knew he'd react this way, but he shrugs it aside with disgust. He's not being dramatic. He's not.

 

 

Tyler lies awake in bed for another few long minutes under the warmth of his covers, thinking about nothing in particular. He adjusts himself, trying to get comfortable, but not an ounce of sleepiness is in him. He sighs.

His hand is resting on his thigh, _way_ too close to his junk for his liking. Instead of just moving again and trying to sleep, though, Tyler brings his hand up to palm himself slowly through his boxers, a low sound escaping him. It's wrong, he knows it is, and he tries not to do it that often but sometimes he just _needs_ to. He's a normal teenage boy, after all. He bites his lip to try and suppress the sounds that threaten to fall from his lips.

_Screw it,_ Tyler thinks, pressing his heels into the mattress to pull his boxers down to his thighs. Tyler doesn't usually _get off,_ much less in his own bed with his family sleeping just a few doors down, but he's so wound up that he can't help it. He doesn't exactly know what — or, rather, who — to think about while he does this. Instead, he tries to focus on the sensation.  
It starts as a feeling that's almost electric, buzzing through his veins. His eyes close softly as his mouth falls open, quiet, desperate breaths escaping him.  
"Please," Tyler moans softly as his hips buck upwards of their own accord, the noise barely even a whisper. He bites his lip as he continues to jerk himself off, the obscene image in his head of Josh pushing him over the edge.  
Wait, what?  
He sees white behind his eyelids as the pleasure courses through him in waves, a few quick movements from his hand finishing him off.  
It's not often that Tyler gets off, and it'd been a while since the last time, so he just takes a few minutes to lie still.  
What the hell had he just done?  
Now that his rational thought returns, the guilt is almost crushing. But it's not only guilt, it's embarrassment — why, out of all people, had he pictured Josh? He has absolutely no idea. Tyler supposes that maybe it's just because Josh is his best friend, and because Tyler doesn't have feelings towards anyone at the moment. Sure, that must be it.  
There's one thing he knows for sure, though — it's sure as hell not going to make it any easier for Tyler to look Josh in the eye at school the next day.

 

The next morning, Tyler awakes to his mom knocking incessantly on his bedroom door. He slept like a log, no doubt a bit worn out from his little _activity_ the night before.  
Groaning, he sits up, rubbing his eyes in an attempt to fix his blurry vision upon waking. 

"Tyler, are you up?" His mom yells, earning the small reply of "mhm!" from Tyler. "Josh is here to give you a lift to school, honey!" She says, her tone cheery.  
Tyler immediately scrambles out of bed, grabbing a shirt that seems clean enough and his jeans from the day before. He hastily pulls the jeans on, made more difficult purely by the fact that he's in a hurry. His mad rush is interrupted only by another knock on the door, softer this time.  
"I'll be ready in just a minute, mom, tell him to wait!" Tyler starts, until he hears Josh's voice, "can I come in?"  
Tyler has barely a second to think, let alone reply, when the door swings open to reveal none other than Josh Dun.  
Tyler's head snaps up as their eyes lock, standing in the middle of his room like a deer in the headlights.  
"Hi," Josh smirks, sauntering into the bedroom as if it were his own (which is at least half-true, if Tyler is being honest).  
"I, uh. I was just putting a shirt on," Tyler flushes, suddenly a bit humiliated at his poor outfit choice and the fact that it was so obvious his clothes were selected from the floor just a few minutes prior.  
Josh sits on the edge of Tyler's bed — his side, of course — chuckling fondly.  
"No worries, I'm a bit early anyway," Josh pulls out his phone and checks the time. "We'll go in 15 minutes?"  
Tyler finally pulls on his shirt, realising how flustered he must look. "Yeah, yeah, that's fine," he nods, pausing before adding, "I like your jacket, by the way."  
Josh raises his eyebrows, muttering a thank you before lying down on top of Tyler's covers, one arm behind his head as he scrolls through his phone.

Josh always looks so damn good in Tyler's bed, no matter how confusing it was for Tyler to admit. Or rather, Josh looks good in his side of Tyler's bed — which had to mean something, right? The line between platonic and slightly-more-than-platonic was a difficult one for Tyler to distinguish, which Josh never made easy. It's not that Tyler has a crush on Josh, no. He doesn't think so, at least. Tyler isn't sure he's even gay, honestly. But if he doesn't have some sort of feelings for Josh, why would he question that? Tyler supposes that it's probably just what happens when your best friend gets in a relationship, and abandons all thought of being gay for Josh immediately.  
He's just being stupid. Or he's confused.  
But honestly, when is Tyler _not_ confused?

 

\-- 

 

Josh has a problem.

Well, if he really thinks about it, it's not that serious. Life is actually going pretty well for him right now; he's got a girlfriend, he's started cycling in the mornings again, and he's — dare he say — quite happy.  
But while he spends his mornings cycling, his days with Debby (whether they're at school or not), and his nights actually getting work done, there's one part of his life that's stagnated.  
Spending time with his best friend.  
Tyler.

He doesn't mean to, really. They still see each other in class and on the occasional morning when Josh comes to pick him up. He realises, though, that he forgot to even ask Tyler how basketball training was the previous afternoon.  
The thought almost makes him sick.

 

It's kinda stupid to be thinking about how much he misses Tyler when he's literally sitting right next to him in the car, Josh realises. Tyler has barely said a word, though, choosing instead to scroll on his phone.  
Josh slowly applies the brakes as they come to a red light, and he turns to look at Tyler — look at him properly — for the first time that morning.  
Tyler's cheeks are tinged pink, perhaps from the cold. He worries his lip between his teeth absentmindedly. Tyler's always doing that when he's nervous. It's a habit that he just can't seem to kick.  
Josh clears his throat almost experimentally, as if he's scared that disturbing the air will cut the tension between them and somehow make Tyler more startled than he already looks.  
"So, uh," he starts, thinking of a question to ask that he probably should've figured out before he opened his mouth to speak. "You do anything fun last night?"  
Tyler's lips part and it seems as if it's involuntary, because he quickly slams his mouth shut again.  
"I... I had basketball?" He seems to choke on the words.  
"Oh, yeah, that's right," Josh is forced to look to the road again as the light turns green. "How was it?"  
"Same as usual."  
Josh waits a while in silence until he realises that Tyler has nothing else to say.  
"Debby and I went out for dinner at that burger place," Josh says, trying to keep the conversation going.  
"Oh, cool." Tyler's tone suggests that he doesn't exactly think so. Josh looks to the side for second to gauge his expression. Tyler doesn't give much away — he looks emotionless. Bored, even.  
"Do you want to come with us next time?" Josh tries, in his most upbeat tone. Hoping.  
A beat of silence follows.  
"Um," Tyler starts, "I mean, sure, but you know I'm broke, so..."  
Josh can't help the way his eyebrows rise up in the middle in a forlorn way. He should've known. Tyler had been acting weird all week. He hates Josh. He must!  
"You don't have to if you don't want." He attempts to mask his disappointment, but he's sure Tyler knows. It comes out in his voice no matter how hard he tries to sound unfazed.  
"It's alright, I'll come," Tyler assures Josh. "When is it? And are you sure Debby wants me there?"  
"Yeah! She wants to get to know you better, she said. We're going on Sunday."

Tyler seems to wait a second to consider his options.  
"Yeah, why not," he replies finally, and it's almost like he's trying to convince himself that it's a good idea as he says it. Josh lets out a breath that he didn't know he was even holding.  
He itches to say something, anything, to Tyler. He's been so quiet lately, and it feels as if Josh hasn't seen him in forever. Sure, it's only been a few days, but Josh would usually never spend a moment away from Tyler. 

It's just Josh's luck, then, that at that moment, they arrive at school. Josh pulls into the parking lot and decides to take a spot further away from the school than he usually prefers. He wants to get to the bottom of what's wrong.  
As soon as Josh puts the handbrake on and pulls his keys out, Tyler takes off his seatbelt and turns to open the door.  
Not today.  
Josh reaches over the centre console to pull the door shut again, just as Tyler starts to open it.  
"Dude, what're you—"  
"Tyler."  
"Josh." Tyler looks at Josh like he'd rather be literally anywhere else.  
Josh tries to mould his expression into something gentle. "What's been up with you, man?"  
"Um." Tyler starts, not knowing what to say. "Nothing much. What's been up with you?"  
Josh chuckles. Not exactly what he was getting at. "I mean, like... Are you alright?"  
"I'm alright, Josh. Now will you let me get out so I can get my education?"  
"No, I will not." Josh's reply makes Tyler sigh, half exasperated and half amused. There's a hint of a smile on his lips. "You know you can tell me if anything's going on, right?"  
"Yeah, I know." Tyler's voice is quiet as his eyes focus on his sneakers rather than Josh's penetrating gaze.  
"So are you gonna tell me what's wrong?"  
Tyler absentmindedly picks at a loose thread on the sleeve of his sweater. "You really wanna know?"  
"No, I'm forcing you to stay in my car for no reason." Josh laughs. "Yes, I want to know. You trust me." Josh's tone turns more serious, "don't you?"  
"Of course I do!" Tyler retorts quickly like the notion of him not trusting Josh is highly offensive.  
"So you can tell me what's wrong!"  
Tyler hesitates.  
"Okay. But Josh..."  
"Yeah?"  
"Can we do it while we walk to class?"  
Tyler's smile is sheepish, and evidently contagious, because Josh's face breaks into a grin as well.  
"Okay."

 

\--

 

It's Sunday, and Tyler has a huge decision to make.  
Does he cancel on Josh, or does he bite the bullet and go to a restaurant he doesn't particularly want to go to and watch Debby make eyes at Josh for an hour and a half?  
The pew Tyler's sitting on digs into his back, and it's like he can feel every notch of his spine pressing against the wood. 

He bounces his leg absentmindedly, shifting slightly.  
"Tyler, stop it," his mom turns to him, her eyebrows twitching downwards in the middle.  
It's 8:57 — three minutes until the service starts. Tyler likes going to church, even though it's so early. He likes to sing. He likes to pray. He likes to listen and follow along in his own Bible — one that has a black cover with gold-edged pages that he's had since he was 14. He flips it open while he waits. He often likes to read Revelations while he's waiting. Today, he reads one of the only passages that he's marked — Philippians 2:3.  
Tyler sighs.  
He supposes it'll be best for him to go to dinner with Josh and Debby.  
Tyler tries so hard, most of the time, to put others first. He can't really help the fact that he has feelings, though. Feelings that make him think that he deserves Josh's attention more than Debby. More than anyone. But then, there's part of him that thinks — or knows — that he's being selfish. And stupid. And that he's putting himself on a pedestal that he most certainly does not deserve to be on.

The lights go down, and everyone stands as the band takes the stage. The frontman is young — he's got cropped blonde hair and holds an acoustic guitar in one hand. He mumbles some words of introduction into the microphone, and Tyler smiles as the words come up on the screen. It's his favourite song to sing. 'Joy'.

 

After the service, Tyler's mom always sticks around to chat with her friends. Usually, Tyler doesn't really mind it, but today is different. Tyler needs to go home, procrastinate, and then try on various different shirts until he runs out of time and goes with the black one like always. It's a process that takes hours, so Tyler needs to leave. Right now. Immediately.  
Or just whenever his mom is finished, he guesses.

It's an unusually beautiful day, the sun shining despite the perpetual chill in the air. After the band pack up the stage and leave the building, it's empty, save for Tyler sitting in the 4th row. He stands up and stretches, sighing as his spine clicks and his shirt untucks slightly. His feet seem to move on their own, and his footsteps echo throughout the church as he ascends the steps onto the stage.  
He finds himself sitting down at the piano, his fingers hovering over random keys, and he takes a short breath in. It's a beautiful piano, the keys firm but surprisingly pliant under Tyler's gentle touch. The deeper notes reverberate around the room and seem to vibrate through Tyler's whole body.  
He plays a soft melody, almost too scared to let the sound travel too far in case anyone outside hears what he's doing. It's so indescribably nice, though, to hear a song he scribbled in the back of an old journal fill a room like this. To hear it without the annoying clicking of his plastic keyboard's keys.  
He lets the last few notes fade out until he can't hear anything apart from his own breathing.  
Tyler sits there for what feels like hours before he tears himself away from the piano. He twists his fingers in his hair, gaze focused on his shoes, and he's about to walk right out of the church, but he sees yellow out of the corner of his eye and he looks up and — oh shit.  
"Jenna?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading i hope you liked it!! you can drop me a comment if you want. the next chapter will be with you by next week.

**Author's Note:**

> hey thanks for reading! this'll get a lot better, i promise. i'll post some new chapters very soon.


End file.
